Wassup With All the Homos?

         Looking at the title of this blog post, one might think this will be an endless barrage of insults and homophobic filth, but this is quite the opposite. This blog post is written by a “half-out” bisexual youth speaking to the rest of the LGBTQ+ community looking for solace and asking the straight community to get their shit together (once again).

Recently, my family visited me at university for a “nice” family weekend to see their little boy who is growing into their ideal strapping young lad. In their opinion, this young man is growing up to be the epitome of the young, smart, black, Christian, heterosexual young man who they have raised and nurtured thus far. This couldn’t be farther from the truth! The only truth in that sentence above is the fact that I am black and smart, otherwise they are in the wrong ballpark if that’s who they think I am. You may also be confused by the term above; “half-out”. This is referring to any of you who are “half-way out of the closet” [Disregard the term “closet” as it is only used to simplify a message because I am completely detested to the idea of “coming out of the closet” when it comes to queer people openly expressing their sexuality. But, that is neither here nor there and is a conversation reserved for another time.] This term refers to those of us who aren’t ashamed of their sexuality and don’t intend on hiding it (in certain circles). To your friends, you are relentlessly yourself. On the contrary, around your family, you are a completely different person.

This leading of a double life is through no fault of your own. You have friends and maybe even some close family who are completely understanding and appreciative of who you are. And then you have those family members, who are completely against the concept of homosexuality. Thus, you are your true self around your friends, completely void of any precautions and much happier. And then, around family you are outside of yourself, some façade of what people want you to be and you continue like this because right now it would just be easier to be what they “think” you are. But, at times you slip up, you get a little too heated about an argument with your family about sexuality, you get a little too excited at the gay couple on your favorite television show, or spend too much time with that “best friend” and the inevitable ensues, “Are you gay?” You think about answering the question honestly and finally ripping the Hetero-Mask™ from your face and saying defiantly and proudly “Yes! Yes I am!” But of course you don’t, you deny it with a simple “No.” and may add a small chuckle or snicker for dramatic effect.

To return to the story, the very first thing Mom says when you all are seated at the table is, “I noticed there aren’t as many homos here as there are back home.” It feels as if somebody has punched you in the stomach and you dissociate from Earth for a split second. You shouldn’t feel this though, this is normal. You’ve grown up basically your whole life hearing these similar slurs. The frequent “Yuck!” when a flamboyant man is on her favorite reality TV show, all the while, she continues to watch. There’s also the numerous “They are making this stuff too normal on TV. I don’t want to see this mess.”, when a gay couple kisses on another one of her favorite shows.

Once you come back, you notice that she’s looking right at you waiting for a response. She’s waiting on you to respond with an equally as homophobic or more homophobic response, because that’s what straight Christian black boys do, right? But you don’t. You take a stand and you say “Why do you care so much?” and it’s a shock to the whole table as if you started speaking in another language. The conversation ensues, scriptures get quoted, non-factual scientific theories are introduced and finally a variation of the dreaded question comes. “You don’t see anything wrong with that?”

No. No I don’t. I don’t see anything wrong with love. I don’t see anything wrong with the normalcy of someone’s sexuality as I don’t see anything wrong with someone being straight. I don’t see anything wrong with it because I’m not straight, Mom. I see nothing wrong with it because as a matter of fact, I was thinking about the cute waiter across the room while you were stating “what the Bible says”.

Why does it pain you so much to see people loving themselves and others unconditionally? Why is it that black Christians are among the most homophobic people? Is it because you are oppressed for your blackness, that you must oppress others in order to feel better about yourself in an attempt to differentiate between us and them. Or is it the toxic hyper-masculinity within the black community that says that black men must be the most macho of them all and being attracted to other men is the ultimate threat to that. Because a man who is attracted to other men is automatically feminine, right? Wrong. Being attracted to men does not make anyone more or less masculine and being feminine is not a bad characteristic to have, [touching on misogyny within the black community which is also another conversation for another time] as I was raised by some of the most powerful black women I know and them being a women did not hinder them but made them stronger, if anything.

So, what is up with all the homos? Nothing is up. They and I are living our lives as usual, some of us in hiding and others openly and happily being themselves. We are your sons, cousins, neighbors, bank tellers, fitness instructors, mechanics, and a whole list of other various relationships to you. And as a whole we would appreciate it if you could please just let us live like the rest of society. Let us be normal, marry, start a family, walk down the street holding the hand of our significant other, kiss our partner in public; in peace.