To: College Admissions
As I was applying for college, there were questions that College Board and random college readiness websites told me I must perfect my responses to for college interviews. Here is what I really wanted to say. “Tell me about yourself.” Oh God, the big tamale right off the bat. Do you want to know who I am, admissions lady? You look like a Becky, so let’s go with that. How do I force my whole life to fit into this 30 second bubble you’ve given me? Maybe your life is boring enough that you’re able to but I’m a well-rounded individual. I am a competitive dog-petter, with a record of 74 “good boys” a minute. I am the current national Naruto running champion. (It’s all about the form and making yourself as aerodynamically crouched as possible.) I am a lip balm enthusiast, who holds the unpopular opinion that EOS eggs are overrated and overpriced. I am a legendary cartoon con...