How Can Black Parents Be Abusive?

Have you ever heard how black children try to talk about how they got whoopings (beatings) and try to downplay the constant abuse they endured? Like there’s laughs and stuff (a coping mechanism)  but dip down after everyone tells their story they realize just how much abuse they endured but masked it because we’re taught to “Love our parents and family, no matter what.”  After hearing it for so long, you want to believe it and even trick yourself to, until you just simply can’t anymore. Even after many years, like once you hit your adult years and you’re no longer living in your parents house.

The constant flinching whenever someone sneaks up or even touches your shoulder, being afraid to tell people no because of what they may do, even becoming the aggressor or hurting your own children because you were taught “I whoop you because I love you, if I don’t do it who will?” I’m here to tell you that’s not right or love at all. Beating your children and telling them they don’t have a voice or don’t matter at all is so wrong. There’s certain healthy ways to deal with children that disobey or do wrong things, beatings and constant yelling is not the way to go. For its mentally, physically, spirtually and even emotionally abuse/draining.  Good examples to teach your children are talking to them, expressing your disapproval, taking away their favorite things  or postponing events until they do better and much more. Why resort to violence when there’s plenty of other efficient ways that help?


Also telling your children they’re “stupid”, “not going to be anything” or “a failure” is so toxic and horrible. It will forever be in their minds what you said to them, not only will it hurt them mentally but also physically. They could suffer from low self esteem because they’ll never see themselves worthy of anything (because of you) and the salt and venom of your words. As we’re brought up, we’re taught to value and respect our parents, so we take what they say very seriously and even to the heart.


Stop teaching your children it’s okay to hurt people and then when you realize what you’ve caused, you get them presents or “start talking nice to them” to go in exchange for not telling them “You were wrong or that you were sorry.” That will teach them in the future that they can hurt people and not say sorry, supply them with gifts and do other things instead of apologizing. That’s so unhealthy and can lead them down a bad and dangerous road. Teach your children love, compassion and patience.

For that’s the foundation of everything, all of that children’s relationships will depend on how you teach and treat them as a child. If you teach me them aggression, violence and to abuse people. How can you not expect them to perform these actions in their adolescence or even when they’re older? They could become child abusers, domestic violence repeat offenders, abuse alcohol and much more.

Lastly ask yourself, do you want your children to hate or be afraid of you? Truly? Think about that and what you do from now, for you may forget what you instilled but they’ll never forget. Take care  of your children, they look up to you, give them something to look up too. Also don’t teach them that abuse or violence is okay, at all. For they’ll grow to resent what you did to them, after they’re all grown up. They won’t come around for holiday dinners or family gatherings and you’ll wonder why, this could be a big reason.

It’s hard to admit to some, but if you’ve abused your child you need apologize to them and make it up to them. For they expect you to protect them, not hurt them. It’s never to late to say you’re sorry, but if they choose to accept your apology is totally up to them. You can’t force an apology on someone you’ve hurt, you can only hope for the best for the future.

Also children, you don’t have to ever defend your parents being abusive towards you. Even if it wasn’t physical, it’s still abuse. I know you want to honor your parents and you don’t want people to think bad of them, but some things are unacceptable and this is one of them. They need to be held accountable for their wrong doings, for if not it’ll become a generation thing. Full of violence towards children.


With that, that’s all folks. Remember to show love to each other and show compassion and it’ll be reciprocated if you have good intentions.

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maya