How To Successfully Throw A Pity Party

As a young and naive darling of the world, I was brought up to believe that all the stress of parents, school, and life in general, would melt away with the ease of a single application to my college of choice. I’d simply grow to the tender age of 17, begin a year of classes that weren’t rigorous or challenging, maintain my honors level GPA of a 3.56, and without a doubt get accepted into my dream HBCU - Howard University. But like that white lady in one of my favorite memes said:

Senior year is currently only one week away -- even though it feels like it has already started with all the AP (Advanced Placement) homework I’ve had to complete. AP work is the right of passage all students who are “Academics AF” must go through; consisting of terms lists, progress tests, analysis of experiments for AP Psych. Then reading, essays, and annotations for AP Literature and Composition. Which in total contributed to the minor panic attack I had over the summer.

I decided to write down all the classes that would take the largest portions of my time along with the extracurricular activities I’ll most likely be involved in. I listed my Intro to Stats class, AP Lit, AP Psychology, my role as a Jack and Jill teen chapter president, continuing my last year of piano lessons, applying to colleges (which isn’t really an ‘extracurricular’ per say but it definitely requires commitment like one) and then I left “involvement in extracurriculars” broad because those will pop up throughout the school year.

After manifesting a tangible representation of JUST the subjects/areas of my life that will bring the most stress, excluding everything else and STILL ending up with over 7 possible outlets that may cause sleepless nights and rough mornings - I cried.

If you’re familiar with the grandiose parties that Solange Knowles throws with different themes inspired by dope Black art like The Wiz and Lil Kim’s Crush on You music video, you understand the extravagance of those affairs. But just know, her lil’ shindigs had nothing on my pity party.

Solange Knowles' vibing at Saint Heron's 'You've Got To Be Seen Green!' Party with an attendee

Solange Knowles looking fresh to def for Saint Heron's 'Crush On You Ball' 

I gasped, sighed, and cried. Looked away, looked back and cried some more. My Somber Senior Year Soiree didn’t have any good vibes whatsoever and the sounds consisted of whimpers and me blowing my nose in a tissue -- which might’ve been mistaken for the sound of a party noisemaker. I desperately searched for what I could eliminate from that list, leaving Psych as the only logical choice. It was a party of one but I certainly involved my friends who told me not to drop it and reassured me I’d be able to do it. To which I responded, “lol u wild, wyd tho?”

I wrote an email to my school’s assistant principal (a rather persuasive one I might add) explaining why I’d like to drop my AP Psych course:

1. The well-being of my GPA
2. I already completed my required 3 years of science, didn't need 4
3. How involved I am with everything else

As soon as I sent it, I felt a sense of peace. There I was, the same naive little darling who thought senior year would be easy, also thought my assistant principal would empathize with my grievances. Of course he didn’t.

I was stuck with the challenge I chose for myself when I selected classes the end of Junior year.

In the midst of feeling dragged by the seemingly endless reply as to why I won’t be given the chance to drop AP Psych, I reached the “reflection” stage of grief. I was mostly disappointed about how little I believed in my ability to handle all the responsibilities of those Intimidating Seven things on my list. But also, how it was time to exercise my Fight or Flight instincts and I chose Flight (synonymously choosing comfort). I let the insecurities I have about what’s uncertain have power over what I know is true:  I’m smart enough to take two AP courses and able enough to assume the responsibilities that come with my other classes and involvements outside of school.

A good gist of what I learned from this can be summed up by the eternal Maya Angelou,

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude about it.”

Change is one area I struggle with as someone who’s graduating high school but also just on a basic human level: the change of being in demanding situations to see what you’re capable of or dealing with the unfamiliar. It’s helpful to keep in mind that literally no one knows what they’re doing, everyone’s figuring it out. A little advice to myself and others: instead of searching for the easiest way out, the positive outcomes will last longer if you remind yourself of who you are and trust the dopeness you possess. Plus, pity parties are really dead.

Written by Brooks Welch (@br0okz on Twitter)

Edited by @trblheaux