It’s Okay To Not Be Okay: How The “Positive Vibes Only” Movement Can Be Harmful

The words that come after the phrase “It’s just funny how…” are hardly ever funny. It’s complicated how that phrase has always been used as a way to neutralize negative emotions. Those words could genuinely mean that something’s humorous or light-hearted but the words and the tone they carry, usually don’t.

“It’s just funny how you never truly know who’s there for you.”

“It’s just funny how amazing opportunities can burn out in an instant.”

It’s just funny how people have a hard time being direct.

This phrase is simply a technique meant to deflect the true feelings a person has. No one wants to be disrupted by gnarled, toxic feelings. But it’s very strange how this feeling, in particular, is not special or granted to a select few; we all deal with this, yet it’s not talked about and deemed taboo. The perception of everything being peachy keen and light-filled is a very impractical one. It’s dishonest for someone to front like they have it all together, and maintaining that performance can be emotionally damaging on various levels. Some of those effects are, not only, a potential development of mental illness, but feeling a need to be dishonest with those around them, not excluding themselves.  An article from the Huffington Post about the studies of avoidance coping - or emotional repression - states,

"... New research shows that experiencing and accepting such emotions are vital [anger and sadness] to our mental health. Attempting to suppress thoughts can backfire and even diminish our sense of contentment. Acknowledging the complexity of life may be an especially fruitful path to psychological well-being." quote from Tori Rodriguez, a psychotherapist based in Atlanta.

In other words, breathing life into this mentality, normalizes a twisted rationale; one that muffles the not-so-extravagant sides of life, most likely for the comfort of others.

It’s no brainteaser that the misfortunes of others makes those who aren’t suffering, wildly and sometimes insensitively, uncomfortable. No one wants to deal with it. “I got my own problems,” you might say. But, it says more about how selfish our society is, that a person could see another’s struggles as anything but a time to be consoling, and rather as an evil plot to disrupt them from their convenient routine. It’s just funny how a good amount of those deflecting any and all unpleasant energies are “positive people.” Now, don’t get me wrong. No one should subject themselves to anything that may harm them physically or mentally, but hearing someone’s thought process during a situation like a breakup or a fall out with a friend, won’t harm anyone. The obsession with irrationally banning emotions like sadness or regret with a “Positive Vibes Only!” sign plastered on a locked door, continues the belief that negative feelings should be kept to oneself.

Being pissed is valid. Feeling stuck in an environment that isn’t helping you grow is valid; or even just not “being about it” anymore is valid. All healthy, natural emotions deserve to be expressed (in non-passive aggressive or harmful ways) and seen as normal. Playing makeshift therapist may “harsh the mellow” or “kill the vibe” for the moment but by showing a level of empathy and support, you’re a non-conformer to the typical self-centred approach to life. There are ways to be concerned with your own well-being without dismissing other’s misfortunes. One example is having the ability to embrace all the positive sides of your life, which alternatively means, that you’ve also known hardships. By possessing this quality, it makes being empathetic more realistic and familiar. Everyone takes an ‘L’ occasionally, but it’s important to remember (and remind others) that a fair amount of negativity is only temporary. So, before masking not-so-fun emotions by showcasing your Feelin' Myself by Beyoncé and Nicki Minaj side, just know it’s okay to be in touch with your Everybody Hurts by R.E.M side from time to time.

Written by Brooks Welch (@br0okz )
Edited by @Surrayaa